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Thursday, July 01, 2010

Coming out of the Woods

I am going to try and start blogging again. Since this blog is to talk about my personal walk with Christ and my journey with God, it seems ideal for said blogging situation that I would actually have a personal walk with Christ and a journey with God to discuss with my readers. I know I am assuming that I actually have readers. Ha.

If you have read all 5 posts of mine in this particular blog, you will see that the last couple were dealing with some hard stuff. That hard stuff didn't go away and actually, over the past several months has only gotten worse and worse and worse. Since this blog isn't about the joyous adventures of stepmotherhood and trying to keep your Christian blended family somewhat intact while your husband is deployed, I won't bore you with the details. When I tell you that things have been HARD, please believe me.

One of the only things that has gotten me through this time (other than God's amazing grace) is the new song out by Amy Grant:

I was so angry and bitter and wanting to control the situation that I/my family have been in that it GREATLY affected my devotional/prayer/God life. We found out for sure in March that Al was getting mobilized/deployed and right before then, I finally found out why I had been feeling physically awful for a year+. Thankfully, to feel better, I have only had to have a greatly restricted diet (I have what the docs think is celiac disease and sensitivity to other grains). But completely changing your lifestyle, husband getting mobilized/deployed for a year, and dealing with unnecessary ex-wife-in-law drama greatly hindered my Godlife. I wish I could say what an awesome Christian I am and how all the struggles in my current life have only brought me closer to the throne room of heaven. I also wish I was 6 feet tall and 110 pounds with real red hair and an unlimited bank account.

Instead, what I have learned during this time is that no matter what God still loves me and He still loves you. Really exciting, I know. Earth-shattering Christianity, isn't it? I'm the next Stormie Omartian, I tell you.  Even in my barely-communicating-with-God devotional life (doesn't a person have to have devotions to have a devotional life?) - even when I could only whisper to God how sorry I was that my heart was so dark and angry and ask Him to fix me right before falling asleep. HE WAS STILL THERE.

Even in Virginia, when I was so sad and upset with my imperfect state of motherhood while trying to be a perfect Stepford-wife while visiting my husband for 2 weeks and keeping 3 kids (age 10, 7, and 2) happy while being mostly confined to a 1-bedroom condo apartment and driving a STICK-SHIFT (*&!!%%$*) in Washington D.C. traffic, God sent a sweet lady to the park to pray with me. I didn't know her, she didn't know me, but God KNEW both of us.

Even this past week in Columbus, MS when I was shopping at a consignment store trying to have some retail therapy to drown my blended family/stepmother/husband is deployed/mobilized sorrows, God sent a sweet ON FIRE FOR JESUS store-owner to speak His Word over my life. I didn't know her, she didn't know me, but God KNEW both of us.

Those are just 2 examples. I know that lots of prayers from friends and strangers have also gotten me through this time too. Whatever it is - I am SO OVER letting my life situations keep me from my Lord. My life will never be perfect. The lives of others around me are never going to be perfect. This stupid-ding-dang fallen world will never be perfect. Satan and all the junk he pulls will never be perfect. Other people are never going to treat me perfect. I am probably going to treat them imperfectly too (can you imagine?) - so I NEED TO GET OVER IT AND TRUST GOD.

I get really tired of having to learn lessons over and over and over and over. I feel like a bad puppy with a shock caller most days. But, it's a self-imposed shock caller. I wouldn't have to live that way if I wasn't so stupid. If I would just run to my Abba Father and stick everything in His hands instead of trying to fix and control absolutely everything in my life myself.

Until I actively get my act with God back together, I probably don't need to write much more, but let me just say this: If things are not where you want them to be with God today - FIX IT. Get down on your knees (on the carpet preferably) and FIX IT. And if you have things "GOING ON" with God - PLEASE speak your going-on-ness into someone else's life TODAY. Needy people are all around you: at the park, at your place of business, on Facebook, in your family. If you don't feel bold enough or called to speak words audibly in their life, do it by prayer. But don't just sit stuck in the mud in your Christianity - not for yourself - not for others.

I'm out of the woods and on my home - I'd love to walk on the journey with you!